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You learn as you age!

DanR

Diamond Level Sponsor
You learn as you age!
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I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night." Age 5
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I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7
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I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9
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I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12
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I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14
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I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15
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I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24
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I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26
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I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29
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I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 30
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I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 42
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I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little note. Age 44
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I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46
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I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47
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I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48
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I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49
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I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50
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I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 51
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I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52
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I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53
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I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58
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I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62
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I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64
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I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people,
And doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65
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I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66
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I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72
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I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 74
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I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug,
Or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 76
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I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 78

*I've learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Found this list and thought it would fit here:


A few oldies. ..

Beauty is only a light switch away.
>Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham , NC


If life is a waste of time,
And time is a waste of life,
Then let's all get wasted together
And have the time of our lives.
>Armand's Pizza, Washington , DC

Fighting for peace is like
Screwing for virginity.
>The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO


No matter how good she looks,
Some other guy is sick and tired
Of putting up with her.
>Men's Room
>Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC

At the feast of ego
Everyone leaves hungry.
>Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ

It's hard to make a comeback
When you haven't been anywhere.
>Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
>Wickenburg , AZ

Make love, not war.
Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!
>Women's restroom
>The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT

If voting could really change things,
It would be illegal.
>Revolution Books
>New York , New York .

If pro is opposite of con, then what
is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
>Men's restroom House of Representatives,
>Washington , DC

Express Lane:
Five beers or less
>Sign over one of the urinals
>Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ

You're too good for him..
>Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
>Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA

No wonder you always go home alone.
>Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
>Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
You're going to have trouble with it
>Women's restroom
>Dick's Last Resort, Dallas , TX

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man...
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die...
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
(Amen to that, my friends....)
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE
FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
 
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