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Jokes and funny stories

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Remember to respect your elders!

A 71-year-old man made the trip back to his old college
to take one last look around campus again before he settled in to retired life.

As he got to the campus he saw a young man studying hard,
and the sight brought back memories.
He sat on the bench beside the lad,
but was surprised when the kid started spouting off at him.

“You old man.
Your generation will never understand my generation,” the kid lectured.
“You grew up in a different world.
In fact, your world is almost primitive compared to mine,” the student said.

“Is that right?” the elder man said.

“The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, microwaves.
I can carry hundreds of books on a tiny chip in my cell phone.
We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and,” he paused to take swig of beer.

The senior took advantage of the break in the student’s litany and said, “You’re right, son.
We didn’t have those things when we were young – so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little b*****d,
what are you doing for the next generation?”


The student fell completely silent and all the people around them cheered!
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
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husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”
__________________
 

Warren

Bronze Level Sponsor
Church humor
 

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Rick Young

Platinum Level Sponsor
A recently married man was working on his car in the garage when his new bride entered.
"Now that we're married you won't have time to spend on this old car. I think you should sell it."
The man stumbled and caught himself before falling over.
"Oh, are you alright?"
Yes , for a minute you sounded like my ex wife.
I didn't know you were married before.
I wasn't.
 

Warren

Bronze Level Sponsor
Nothing like the value of a Covid test :)
 

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puff4

Platinum Level Sponsor
Apropos Don's 'think you're smart' quote, I offer this little saying I used to impress upon my students...

If you think you're the smartest guy in the room.... you're in the wrong freakin' room.
 

Alpine 1789

SAOCA President
Diamond Level Sponsor
Been snowing a lot on the east coast. Fortunately, I used my McGuiver skills to figure out a way to shovel the driveway.

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husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Two young men are walking through a cemetery when they hear cries of anguish coming from a nearby grave.

They approach and see a man kneeling before a grave, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Why did you have to die?", asks the man, "It's been terrible without you! My life has been miserable. Sometimes I wish I was dead, too!"

One of the young men approaches and asks, "Are you okay, sir? Whose grave is that?"

"My wife's first husband!" The man cries out in anguish.
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Three engineers are on a road trip when their car stops running in the midst of a heavy rain.

The electrical engineer says, "It's got to be the ignition!"

The mechanical engineer says, "No, I heard it stumble, so there must be a fuel flow problem."

"No,no," says the computer engineer, "we all have to get out - once we get back in again it's sure to restart just fine."
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'




A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'


.
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
A large local company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy.
 
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