Here's how to sell a car...

[mikephillips]

Get the feeling he has little love for ebay, not to mention the car...

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Austin-Pr...9810986?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item3f12e312aa

 

[MikeH]

Too funny.

 

[Nickodell]

Call me a nit picker if you like - no, on second thoughts, don't call me a nit picker. It could have been hilarious, but I couldn't get past half way because of the multitude of typos, spelling errors, lack of punctuation (esp. apostrophes) and general illiteracy. It was like listening to Yoko Ono while someone was dragging his nails down a blackboard. Or having Shakespeare read in ebonics ("Hamlet, I be's you father's ghost, man.")

I am told by my dear sister in Sussex, a retired school principal, that the illiteracy rate in the UK is probably now worse than that over here. Such things as using "your" instead of "you're," where the meaning is "you are," and the frequent appearance of the non-word "alot" are almost universal, and almost everyone has given up on where and when (and when not) to place apostrophes, so that they've almost totally disappeared in any but the most formal text. How sad.

 

[Mike snyder]

Typos aside it is funniest damb thing I have read in a long time. Thanks!
Mike

 

[Alpineracer8]

Holy crap!!!! This guy needs to be in the comedy clubs. We've got a future star on our hands here!!!!!

 

[mikephillips]

I know what you mean Nick. Everywhere I go, to - too, their - there, hear - here, and a multitude of others just jump out at me. As they did in this, but I still found the content humorous as it was like someone describing the ex wife's habits and appearance, after that non too pleasant divorce...

 

[Nickodell]

Others that are now so common that trying to point out their erroneous nature is like trying to push back the sea. These are some examples:

So fun. "So" is an adverb, and cannot be used to modify a noun like "fun." (Adverbs modify verbs [he walked slowly], adjectives [it was so funny] and other adverbs [he walked very slowly.) Only adjectives modify nouns. One could correctly say "it was so much fun."

A criteria. Criteria is the plural of criterion. You can't say "a criteria" any more than "a cars." (This one is almost universal now. You even hear the ludicrous plural "criterias.")

He read his speech at (or behind) the podium. A podium (from the Greek for foot) is a raised platform or dais on which you stand. You read your speech at a lectern.

Its and it's. Using it's to mean the possessive pronoun (i.e. belonging to it) is again almost universal. The confusion comes from the fact that in all other instances one makes the possessiveof a noun by adding 's, as in "John's car" or "the car's transmission." It stands alone in that the possessive is its, with no apostrophe. So "I like it" might be followed by "I love its [not it's] exhaust sound."

Generally, when you see an apostrophe it indicates a missing letter or missing letters. It's is a contraction, or abbreviation, of it is. In archaic English, when indicating possession one might write, or say, for example, "John, his house." Over the ages, this was abbreviated to the less clumsy "John's house." Putting this all together, you would be correct to say or write: "It's John's house; its design is impressive."

While we're on the subject (weren't we?) it sends me nuts when people make the possessive of a noun ending in "s" but not a plural by lazily sticking an apostrophe on the end. The local major newspaper, the Philadelphia Inquirer, does this all the time, with such things as Jones' family, which indicates the plural possessive of a Jone. How should it read?

Jones's family. And if you are referring to the family, it isn't The Jones', as the Inquirer (and millions of others) would put it. It is The Joneses.

Just to finish off, if you are referring to something belonging to the Jones family, it would read This is the Joneses' house.

(Making a possessive of a plural ending in s, you do of course just add a final apostrophe: The cars becomes The sound of the cars' exhausts.)

 

[MikeH]

The popular use of "myself" drives myself nuts.

 

[tony perrett]

Another error of speech increasingly common in UK (particularly used by the young) is the preposition "of" being used as a verb as in "I would of liked that" rather than "I would have liked that". We now have a generation of school-leavers who have spent years communicating by abbreviated text messaging and are incapable of constructing a grammatically correct job application. Nick, the most likely reason for the decline in the use of the apostrophe is that they have been allocated in large numbers to greengrocers and thus few remain in common usage.

 

[Nickodell]

Nick, the most likely reason for the decline in the use of the apostrophe is that they have been allocated in large numbers to greengrocers and thus few remain in common usage.

Yes, I remember having them chopped up in salads, along with gerunds.

Joking apart; the problem stems from two sources: teachers (with honorable exceptions) are themselves functionally illiterate, so they are the fountainhead of each generation of illiterates; so-called "professionals," like writers, journalists, newsreaders and talk-show hosts, are frequent perpetrators; seeing these errors in print and/or hearing them simply reinforces the continuation of the errors. (Of course, too many people are also lazy and don't care. Or do I mean dont care?)

An example: Bill O'Reilly, who actually used to be a school master and should know better, pronounces the word pundit as pundint. I've written to the email add. he puts up at the conclusion of each show - oreilly@foxnews.com - twice and been ignored. [The word is a corruption of the Hindi pandit, a learned person. It is used as a title, like "Doctor," as in Pandit Nehru, India's first Prime Minister]

 

[tony perrett]

It is good to know that linguistic pedantry is alive and well - long may it survive.

 

[Limey]

Its and it's. Using it's to mean the possessive pronoun (i.e. belonging to it) is again almost universal. The confusion comes from the fact that in all other instances one makes the possessiveof a noun by adding 's, as in "John's car" or "the car's transmission." It stands alone in that the possessive is its, with no apostrophe. So "I like it" might be followed by "I love its [not it's] exhaust sound."

Rendered in the original form 'John's car' is 'John, his car'. One can find examples of the full manner of expression in Pepys's diary of the 1660s. The apostrophe indicating the loss of the h & i of 'his'

.........................Sorry, I put myself to sleep.

 

[John W]

A good "rule of thumb" is "it's" (with the apostrophe) means "it is." If "it is" doesn't fit what you're saying, then it's "its" that you should use. I took a refresher class years ago and was surprised that everyone in the class was well educated. One classmate was the editor of a popular magazine.

 

[Nickodell]

A good "rule of thumb" is "it's" (with the apostrophe) means "it is." If "it is" doesn't fit what you're saying, then it's "its" that you should use.

Hmm. Echo echo. Someone wrote this yesterday:

Generally, when you see an apostrophe it indicates a missing letter or missing letters. It's is a contraction, or abbreviation, of it is. In archaic English, when indicating possession one might write, or say, for example, "John, his house." Over the ages, this was abbreviated to the less clumsy "John's house." Putting this all together, you would be correct to say or write: "It's John's house; its design is impressive."

And Tony, I was surprised at your post. IMHO to at least attempt to save the greatest language in the world's history, the language of Milton, Shakespeare, Tennyson and Churchill, the language that has united billions of people all over the world, from being degraded is not pedantry [Pedant: a person who puts unnecessary stress on minor or trivial points of learning; a narrow-minded teacher who insists on strict adherence to a set of arbitrary rules] any more than requiring someone in business to appear neatly dressed, rather than coming to work in a stained T-shirt, ragged jeans, unwashed and with a week's growth of beard. Or an engine rebuilder who says "Correct tolerances? Who needs tolerances? Don't be a fusspot."

The charge of "pedantry" is usually the excuse of the ignorant and lazy, a group into which, from your previous posts, I'm sure you don't belong.

 

[Nickodell]

The popular use of "myself" drives myself nuts.

It's even part of the Marine Corps Rifle Creed:

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...
My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, or the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...etc.

"My rifle and myself." Huh? There must be millions who have read (or had to recite) that and cringed. How incredible that it can have been composed, vetted, approved and published without anyone correcting it. Myself wonders: What is wrong with the word "I"?

Grammatical note: Myself is one of a group of reflexive pronouns (others are himself, itself, yourself, themselves), meaning the action reflects back on the person or thing: I hurt myself. He washed himself. The car found itself in the ditch.

 

[tony perrett]

Nick, I take note of your mild rebuke regarding my tongue in cheek comment. However, whilst agreeing with your definitions of "pedant", my Oxford Dictionary gives another - "...one who insists on strict adherence to formal rules". This is the interpretation that I was using and I hope that you can agree that it is appropriate. Be assured that I share your concern about the ongoing corruption of our language.

 

[MikeH]

It's even part of the Marine Corps Rifle Creed:

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...
My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, or the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...etc.

"My rifle and myself." Huh? There must be millions who have read (or had to recite) that and cringed. How incredible that it can have been composed, vetted, approved and published without anyone correcting it. Myself wonders: What is wrong with the word "I"?

Grammatical note: Myself is one of a group of reflexive pronouns (others are himself, itself, yourself, themselves), meaning the action reflects back on the person or thing: I hurt myself. He washed himself. The car found itself in the ditch.

It almost seems that the person feels it sounds more intellegent to use myself in that way.
I cringe nearly as much at that as I do when I hear the 'Star Spangled Banner' stylized by its singer at a sporting event.
(Sorry, I know it's not related)