Why England?

[Nickodell]

Never worked. You always ended up sicker than your date.

The most effective panty remover I ever used was my own accent. Comes free, too. For some reason the accent, to many ladies, makes them think of Piers Brosnan, and who wouldn't want to divest themselves of underwear for 007?

It's a funny thing, it works in reverse: Americans in Britain have the same effect; the local girls think any American accent makes the speaker resemble a film star. During WWII, with the great majority of young Brit men overseas, the "Yanks" (they were all Yanks to the Brits, even if they came from Alabama) felt they had died and gone to heaven. Couple the Douglas Fairbanks accent (as perceived by the filmstar-struck girls) with ready cash (even a PFC got more income in a week than his Brit counterpart did in a month), the much nicer uniforms, and the reliable "I may be dead soon" line, and they pillaged at will. The disgruntled Brit men who were in the service and stationed in Britain, or in reserved occupations, and were getting no nookie, described the Yanks as "overpaid, overdressed, oversexed and over here."

One may imagine that the black US servicemen would be less successful, since a black face in Britain was almost unknown before their arrival, and race-prejudice 60+ years ago was almost universal. Many of the enterprising black guys hit on a delightful scam. To the gullible females, they described themselves as white members of a special night-fighting unit, who were under orders to treat all exposed body parts with black dye so as to be less visible. They had to keep the dye on all the time as they never knew when they would be called into action.

In time, all black US servicemen in Britain were known as The Night Fighters.

 

[Nickodell]

Tried the Fish & Chips, tasted like dogfish (don't ask), Wimpy (blah), place with table clothes and everything, vegetables cooked to a grey paste. Stayed at a B & B (she was from Wales but her then deceased husband was "English", it was said as though she married poorly!!!!), got cold toast, dried or old fish and baked beans. Sigh, the good old days. So, either I got the worst of GB cuisine or never travel on an enlisted mans pay. Now, want to talk chinese food in Holland!!!!

Having lived there for 32 years and made 26 return trips since '69, have to say that you were unlucky. Firstly, fish & chips may be a staple American joke, but in 99% of the places you get it from, the fish part will be tasty cod filets deep fried in batter and the chips crisp, and neither should be more than a few minutes old if you go at a busy time when the operation resembles a production line.

As for the B & B; my wife and I used them exclusively, in England, Scotland and Wales until our last trip in 2003. Any place that tries to palm you off with "cold toast, dried or old fish and baked beans" should be reported to the British Tourist Authority. All hotels and B & B's are strictly controlled by the BTA, and a place like you mention would be visited by an inspector (incognito) to test the fare.

A real English Breakfast is: bacon (thick, lean rashers), fried eggs (usually 2), fried tomatoes (however you pronounce it!), beans (yes, they go well with the rest), fried mushrooms and fried bread (don't knock it until you try it). Optional extras: black pudding, potato cakes. This, plus a pot of freshly-made tea (made with boiling water!) will set you up for the day. After this you rarely need lunch, but if you do, get a Ploughman's Lunch at a pub (cheese, bread, salad and pork pie. If you've never tasted English pork pie, the genuine article unobtainable this side of the Pond, you've missed one of life's great foods).

In all our trips, during which we must have stayed at over 100 B & B's, we only had two occasions where we had anything like you describe. One was just cornflakes, the other cornflakes and cold toast. In both cases we complained (quietly, and politely) to the owner/manager, and in the first instance got no satisfaction, so reported them to the BTA. In the second case, a threat to do this resulted in a partial refund on the room charge. It's a good idea, when making the reservation, to do so through the BTA, using their Approved list, which has the familiar star rating, and contact the establishment in advance to ask what the Breakfast part of the B & B consists of.

However, I'd skip this one: