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Jokes and funny stories

Warren

Bronze Level Sponsor
The funny story would be electric 21 century Yugo and nor plant like gas X subcutaneous implant for us farting old people film at 11 ;)
 

Warren

Bronze Level Sponsor
American Medical Association on the new economic stimulus package

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the new economic stimulus package: The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled,"Over my dead body!", while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole thing was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Man Walks Into Restaurant With an Emu by His Side.

A man walks into a restaurant with an emu by his side. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says: “A burger, chips and a coke, please.”

He then turns to the emu and nods. “I’ll have the same,” says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order and says: “That will be $18.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the emu go to the restaurant again and the man says: “A burger, chips and a coke, please.”

The emu says: “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks: “The usual?”

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man. “Me too,” says the emu.

The waitress brings the order and says: “That will be $42.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer and says:
“Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “Several years ago I was cleaning my house and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a litre of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks: “But, sir, what’s with the emu?”

The man sighs and answers: “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
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Wayne67vert

Donation Time
WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'�
HOPE THIS MAKES YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE I DID... THAT'S WHY I HAD TO SEND THIS TO YOU....THESE DAYS WE NEED ALL THE LAUGHS
WE CAN GET!!
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Just a reminder.

Two points, when I started this topic in the very first post, I specified "family friendly". I recognize other types of humor - some can be hilarious in an appropriate setting, but ... SAOCA is essentially an automotive site. This is the internet and we have no control on who can see the site - just who can participate.

Next, this General Chit-Chat forum does not have a dedicated moderator. Therefore we need to self police this forum section unless one of the directors chooses to step in and take action.

So I'll just state again what I did earlier in the thread:


Everybody has a different opinion on what's acceptable. I suppose its up to you to decide at what point you've gone too far. Or when you get a message from a staff member. :( Or you could just follow the forum heading guideline;
For all of us, please refrain from discussing politics, religion, and using inappropriate language. Thank you!
 
Last edited:

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
This sums up every multiple choice test I ever took.


Bill,

Testing theory, is it a good question with an answer, or do you have to try and figure out what the questioner's point of view was when the question was established.

2 +2 =?

a) 3.5

b) 3.75

c) 3.999...

d) all of the above

e) none of the above
 

puff4

Platinum Level Sponsor
Kevin,

Two points, when I started this topic in the very first post, I specified "family friendly". I recognize the humor in your post, but ... SAOCA is essentially an automotive site.

Next, this General Chit-Chat forum does not have a dedicated moderator. Therefore we need to self police this forum section unless one of the directors chooses to step in and take action.

So I'll just state again what I did earlier in the thread:


Everybody has a different opinion on what's acceptable. I suppose its up to you to decide at what point you've gone too far. Or when you get a message from a staff member. :( Or you could just follow the forum heading guideline;
For all of us, please refrain from discussing politics, religion, and using inappropriate language. Thank you!
Fair enough. I actually did delete some especially egregious words, but I take your point. Post deleted.
 

Wayne67vert

Donation Time
Curtis & Leroy Mule Traders
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Hearald-Citizen in Cookeville, Tn. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night ."
Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the IGA grocery store and asked. What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?
They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 1000 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $1998.00.
The farmer said, "My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset.
So we gave him his two dollars back."
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

The moral of the story?

If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.
 

Bill Blue

Platinum Level Sponsor
Don, I had a similar parking lot experience about 40 years ago. We bought a new red Fiesta. One day a friend and I returned to the parking lot only to find a young woman putting a bag of toys in the hatch area. She looked up and said "I've got the wrong car, don't I?" I replied "Yes". She said "I thought there was something strange about it, but the key fit."
No gun play required.
Bill
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Bill,

I imagine this scene is played in some form, more than most people would think. IIRC, I once read that GM only used a limited number of the total possible different key cuts for some reason - low two-digit number of combos, maybe. It's not like many people walk through a parking lot trying their key in every similar car. I suspect electronic key recognition helps the odds a bit, now.
 

MikeH

Diamond Level Sponsor
I had a similar incident. When I was in high school, my girlfriend had a blue 1970 Mustang coupe. We had gone to the mall. When we went to leave, it was pouring down rain. I said that I would go and get the car. I ran through the rain to the car, unlocked it, got in and put the key in the ignition. Just before I turned the key I noticed the bright Thrush muffler sticker on the dash above the 4-speed shifter. Her’s was an automatic and parked two rows over.

During Christmas one year at my grandmother’s there was the usual gathering of relatives. One was my great-aunt who had a new baby. She was leaving and it was snowing very heavily outside. So, she asked my uncle if he could go out and warm up her black and white Caddie that was parked up the street. A bit later he came in and told her it was warmed and had pulled it up in front of the house. She went to go out, then turned and told him her Caddie was black with a white top. The one he warmed up was white with a black top and belonged to a neighbor. He put it back where he found it.
 

Alpine 1789

SAOCA President
Diamond Level Sponsor
Not quite the same, but I used to do a lot of work with GM and most of the GM divisions. In the mid 80's Chevy came out with the Corsica, yet another car that was going to compete with the Honda Accord and Toyota Corolla. GM knew that the reliability of the car, especially out of the gate, was going to be critical and put most of them into rental car fleets before selling them to the general public. But, before that they had employees drive them to provide an early shakedown. The only problem was that the initial factory run was almost all red sedans. The parking lots at Chevrolet buildings was filled with identical cars and at shift changes with employees walking up and down aisles trying to figure out which car was theirs.
 
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