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Jokes and funny stories

Discussion in 'General Chit-Chat' started by husky drvr, Jun 6, 2020.

  1. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

    Not expecting this thread to do much but we'll see.

    Post anything humorous, but family friendly.

    I'll start.

    An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
    The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'
    The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars! '
    'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'
    'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
    The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
    'No problem,' replies the doctor.
    So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
    Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
    the speedometer reads 160 mph.
    Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
    He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !
    Something whips by him going much faster!
    'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.
    He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
    Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
    Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
    Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
    Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
    Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
    The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
    He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
    The old man whispers,

    'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror’
     
  2. DanR

    DanR Diamond Level Sponsor

    Funny:)
     
  3. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

    Sorry, but I need to vent!!!!

    I experienced the WORST customer service at a store in town yesterday,
    I don't want to mention the name of the place yet because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. Last night I bought something from there, I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund. The girl that was working told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then, again - she flat out says "NO." I asked to talk to a manager because now I'm really not happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it was no good. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK."

    No refund.
    No FREE replacement. Grrrrrrrrr. . . . . .
    I''ll tell you what...I am NEVER buying another Lotto Ticket from there again .........EVER...............
     
  4. Gordon Holsinger

    Gordon Holsinger Diamond Level Sponsor

    Good joke
     
  5. Warren

    Warren Silver Level Sponsor

    Ditto's can we increase to PG-13 or a little above or is that toxic masculinity...

    We could just do punch lines,
    :)

    The buyer says to the farmer this Peach tastes like S__t .
    The farmer says turn it over.


    I tried to put up a MP4 of a story teller of a lawyer who insured his vintage cigar collection with a all risk policy. When the cigars were destroyed by fire .....
    Individual ones and the claim was denied he died and won.
    After he cashed the check they got him on arson and insurance fraud cause he smoked em.....
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2020
  6. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

    Everybody has a different opinion on what's acceptable. I suppose its up to you to decide at what point you've gone too far. Or when you get a message from a staff member. :( Or you could just follow the forum heading guideline;
    For all of us, please refrain from discussing politics, religion, and using inappropriate language. Thank you!
     
  7. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

    Three people can sit together without violating social distancing, because there is six feet between them.
     
  8. DanR

    DanR Diamond Level Sponsor

    Har! Har! It took me a couple reads to get that one:)
     
  9. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  10. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  11. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  12. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  13. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  14. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  15. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  16. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  17. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  18. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

  19. Warren

    Warren Silver Level Sponsor

    I did the same thing to my radio and I lost welfare radio, and the jazz stations. I'll miss the jazz stations. ;)
     
  20. husky drvr

    husky drvr Gold Level Sponsor

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