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Jokes and funny stories

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
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husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
Two gold fish are in a tank.



One looks at the other and says,






“You know how to drive this thing?!”
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
So anyhow, there was this house contractor finishing up on this 2 story house. It was time to start painting the rooms so he called in the new owner to see what colors she wanted the rooms painted. They were upstairs in the master bedroom, he asks 'What color would you like these master bedroom walls?'. She replies 'A light pale yellow would be nice'. He writes this on the contractor pad then walks over to the window, opens it, and yells 'Green side up!!'. This kind of startled the lady but she said nothing. They walk over to another room and the same is asked. 'What color do you want the walls?' She replies 'I think these walls would look nice painted a pale egg shell'. The contractor writes it on his pad, walks over to a window, opens it, and yells 'Green side up!!' Again this startles the lady but they continue to another room. Same again,'What color do you want the walls?' She replies 'A nice soft blue for these walls' He writes it on his pad, walks over to a window, opens it, and yells 'Green side up!!
The lady couldn't take this any more. She says 'Every time I tell you what color I want a room, you write it down and yell out the window, what's going on?'
Contractor replies 'Sorry miss, it's just that I have a couple of new guys laying sod in the yard'.
 

husky drvr

Platinum Level Sponsor
A painter undercuts all the other bidders to get the job of painting the local church. The reason he could do the job so cheaply was he had watered down his paint so he needed less. Just as he finished painting, a massive thunderstorm hit and washed all the paint off.

A booming voice from the heavens said 'Repaint, repaint and never thin again".
 

MikeH

Diamond Level Sponsor
A woman and her husband were sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife hears her phone alert that she has a text. Her phone is in the kitchen, so she goes to read it. She finds it is from her husband: “Bring me a beer when you come back.”
 

Warren

Bronze Level Sponsor
A woman and her husband were sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife hears her phone alert that she has a text. Her phone is in the kitchen, so she goes to read it. She finds it is from her husband: “Bring me a beer when you come back.”


That's pretty awesome we could rewrite that joke and then put it in the husband's under pants :)
 

MikeH

Diamond Level Sponsor
An woman is working on a jig-saw puzzle and quickly becomes frustrated. She calls her neighbor about the problem she is having getting it started.
The neighbor asks,”What is the puzzle to be?”
The woman reply’s that the box shows it is a rooster.
The neighbor decides to visit her to help with the puzzle.
When she arrives the woman takes her to where she is working on the puzzle.
The neighbor looks at the spread out puzzle pieces, then picks up the box and examines it.
The neighbor then turns to the woman and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we are never going to assemble these pieces into anything that resembles a rooster.”
Then taking her hand, the neighbor says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. We’ll have a nice cup of tea. Then we’ll put the corn flakes back in the box.”
 

Bill Tippy

Platinum Level Sponsor
I haven't been on the SAOCA website much. lately.... this is the reason why!!

I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it's now okay for me to share that I have volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine from Pfizer. The vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. It is in 6 different stages and I received my first dose this morning at 06:20 am, and I wanted to let you all know that it is safe and I’m ok, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι я чувю себя немного стрно и я думю, что вытл осные уши. чувству себя немго страо.
Sknaht rof lla sreyarp!$@#
 

Warren

Bronze Level Sponsor
According to Google translation I don't think I would say that about myself translation below.


"I'm a little creepy and I think I have worn out my main ears. feeling dumb "

But since it's Greek to me and I don't really trust Google much..
who knows.
 
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